Potty Talk

When I first started this job it was stall number one. Blame it on being the "new chick" and wanting to avoid any random, awkward conversations with people whose names I couldn't remember. (Or worse, those people I was already trying to avoid) It didn't take me much more then a week or so to learn the error of ways. You see, stall number one didn't like to stay closed. If someone opened another stall anywhere else, number one would starting opening all by itself. And the whole balancing act while holding a door closed is not something any one wants to do.
Then I adopted number two. Number two is perfect. It's so much better then number three. Number 3 has a cracked seat and the john is not properly centered in the stall, so you always feel like you're going to completely miss if you're like me and choose the squat vs. the sit. Not to mention you can only hope that when you flush, it will actually flush. Number three is terrible. But number two, we've been friends for the year and half I've been at this job. No door issues, everything is perfectly centered, it flushes properly, it's perfection. Then for two big reasons we've started quarreling as of late.
The major reason being what I like to call the "stinky woman syndrome". And no, I don't mean that kind of stink (okay maybe a little) but there is a woman that I work with that just stinks. She wears ugly old lady jackets all day, the ones with the shoulder pads. Then about mid-day when it starts getting warm (at least for her, it's a friggin' meat locker in this office) she takes off her 80's jacket to expose her sweaty, sleeveless, old lady tank tops. Let me tell you, I can smell her BO from my office, and she's three rows away from me. I don't know if she was made aware of her own scent by someone else, or finally got a wiff one day, but she lately started wearing cologne. Nasty, flowery, heavy, saturated old lady cologne. The kind that lingers for 5 minutes in your office after she's left.

Mixed with the BO she's trying to cover up.

Yummy.

Stinky lady likes number two as well. She's fooled herself into thinking that they're friends, that someone how number two is hers.

There is nothing better people, then to make 10 trips to visit number two and 9 out of the 10 trips I end up gagging and having to make do with number one or number three.
And with pregnancy, frequent trips are a necessity, and your sense of smelled is completely magnified.
All of this coupled with the fact that number two now likes to whack me in the belly with the door every time I try to leave has caused some issues.

Then is happened.

I discovered number 4. Glorious number 4. Also known as the "handicapped", or "big stall".
It's amazing. I don't get whacked in the belly, no one smelly likes number 4, the door stays closed, it's fabulous really. The only draw back with number 4 is the water it squirts out at the flusher. I've managed to learn the trick and haven't had a wet shoe since our initial meeting.

And number two you ask? I avoid it as much as I avoid that desk, 3 rows away.