Great Expectations

So due to my emotional afternoon, you'll have to forgive me for not calling those of you I was suppose to call, for an update. But as I'm sure you understand, repeating the same synopsis 18 times only makes me more exhausted.
So this is my way of telling each and every one of you, hopefully without crying again.

My body is still doing nothing. 41 weeks pregnant and nothing. I'm not dilated at all. Which I know, is okay. But defeating. I feel defeated. All my expectations about delivery are slowing going out the window, and with it, all those expectations that I didn't realize I held on to so dearly. As of now, if nothing happens, I'm scheduled to be induced Sunday evening. It's a 12 hour procedure at which, if it works correctly and I don't require a second dose, the doctor will then break my water, labor will begin (if it hasn't already) and we'll have a baby! And I'm excited. Excited for this baby to come. But sad that it's not like what I thought. There won't be random late night phone calls and a trip to the hospital. The anticipation that at any moment I could begin labor, although still existent, seems a pipe dream. And I'm working on letting go of it all. Being okay with how this might or might not happen. I'm trying to focus on the end result. The baby! The healthy, happy baby (that I'm totally convinced is a boy) that will come in to our lives and make all these emotions and freaky uncontrollable hormones worth it.

So many people have said that once they're doctor scheduled their inducement, that's when they finally went into labor. Like their biological clock just needed to be scared into production. And maybe that might happen. But I'm just praying that God will prepare my heart for whatever the outcome may be.

In the mean time I'm going for a walk with my husband and my dog, basking in the last remaining days of our time together. Sometimes I forget that. Forget that we will never just be the two of us again. Yes, eventually our children will move out, leave home, and we will be empty-nesters. But even at that point, we'll have children we know, love, call, support, nurture.

I want to look at Scott and remember him for who he is this very minute. The tall red head that through random events became my friend, my best friend and then my husband. This man who I knew as a boy, now eagerly counting the days with me, holding my hand, supporting me as we look toward our future. I love him so much and all that he is. And I can't wait to see this child, this mixture of him and I, forever cementing us together. Flesh of our flesh.

Just a few more days...