my support

I'm continually surprised by Scott. And that is a good thing. It never gets old when the person you love and depend on most does things to demonstrate his returned love and dependence. It started out the week with bringing me flowers. Now peeps, I'm a sucker for flowers. Of any kind. They just make me happy. And all week long my lovely gerber daisys and bright green cosmos have been brightening my mornings. Then today, I get a call from my brother, who is in Chicago.


"Hey sis I have something for you, and it's kind of big."
I hesitate. In my head I'm thinking, okay good big or bad big?
"Okay, whats up?" I ask, sort of nervous.
"Well Mike Larson called me today and asked if I could shoot with him tomorrow in Carmel. I told him I couldn't cause I'm here in Chicago, but I threw out your name and he asked me to ask if you want to go shoot with him."

I gulp.

Um, Mike Freaking Larson? Are you kidding me?

I was jealous enough when David met him a few weeks back through a mutual friend.
I was even more jealous when he told David he'd call him to come shoot with him.
I mean, I would jump at an opportunity to shoot with someone of that caliber. But I'm just not there. I'm married. And I have a baby. And while photography is my job and definitely a passion, it has to take a back seat. It can't be my primary focus. And as frustrating as that is at times, I wouldn't trade experiences like that for memories with my son and husband that I can't get back.

"Wow David, that's amazing, thanks for giving him my name, but I can't. I have Henry and I said I'd babysit Sam all day tomorrow. But wow, that would be cool. I have a wedding on Saturday and that's a lot of travel and very little sleep for someone like me. But wow, thanks bro."

We hang up. I wallow in self-pity for several seconds and then move on.

On the ride home I get a phone call from a friend. She relayed news to me that I didn't want to hear. I couldn't even speak to her. I was devastated.

I drove home in silence.

I walked in the door and handed my son to Scott and said, "hug him extra tight today, not everyone is fortunate enough to have a baby." Scott's face fell and he buried his face in Henry's neck, understanding who and what I was talking about without me actually having to say it out loud. We sort of talked about it for the next half hour as I tried to occupy my hands with dinner in hopes of distracting me from the sadness. Then I remembered David's call and laughing told him about it and how cool it would have been if I could have gone and done the shoot with Mike.

Scott looked at me bewildered.
"Why can't you?"

"Because babe, it's tomorrow, in Carmel, and I have Henry and Sam."

"So I can take a day off work."

My heart might have skipped a beat at this point.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

I instantly picked up the phone to talk with Christie about the specifics of watching Sam. I told her that maybe it would end up being Scott?

I hung up and called my brother. No answer. I called my mom (cause they're together in Chicago) no answer. I call a friend who would have Mike's number. No answer, but I left a message. I jumped on the internet and started searching for a direct number, trying to get in contact with Mike. By now it's 6:00pm, most likely too late, but still, I press on. The friend calls me back and gives me his number. I go in the other room (as to escape the whining, teethingbaby) and dial the number. No answer.

arg.

But I leave a message. And that was that. I figured it's over, no big deal. Regardless of if I ever hear from him, I was floored. Floored by Scott. Overwhelmed by his support. His unfailing accountability and encouragement. Not many men would take a day off work to watch the baby so their wife can drive four hours away to hang out with some guy they've never met, to shoot a wedding and turn around and drive four hours home. And did I mention that I have a weddingon Saturday? So that would actually mean Scott would have two solid days at home with Henry?

An hour laterish my phone rings. I my heart freezes and when I see the number I run to the other room saying "omigoshomigoshomigosh" until I answer it and then I totally try and act cool. Cause I'm so cool right? ahem, don't answer that.

As of right now it's still undecided if I'll go. Mike said he'd call me in the morning. He's waiting on another guy as well and it just depends on what works out best for him. Either way, how cool that I even got a call back? That I even got this opportunity? That I have a husband so willing to let me do this???

I don't deserve this man. I don't. He is so good to me and I just don't deserve it.
But isn't that what unconditional love is? Loving someone at their best, at their worst, and everything in between? Do I do as good a job loving him as he does loving me? I don't know. But I know I'm going to try harder. Because this man, the father of my child, the other part of me, loves me. And I am a blessed woman because of him.