Today was one of those days.
My grandpa was in the hospital last week. He went in for some routine tests the week before and they discovered his gall bladder was extremely englarged. They were going to keep him for observations. Which turned into a week. Which turned into having his gall bladder removed over the weekend. My poor grandma, driving every day back and forth to the hospital, to be with him. I've never heard her so down trodden and exhausted as I did last week. It broke my heart.
Yesterday my mother in law called to tell me a dear friend of our family's house burned down yesterday. The cute little country house that they've spent the last 3 years remodeling. I can't fathom the devastation. To stand across the street and watch your house go up in smoke. To accept that all the pictures, the memories, gone....just gone. To stand there in the only clothes you now own. To have to drive to school to tell your children that they no longer have a house. Devastating. I'm broken for them.
I came home from a baby shower last night to hear that my aunt was-as we spoke- getting a heart transplant. She's been at UCLA for 2 months now, trying different things to help her heart, to no avail. So yesterday a heart came in and she got it. Praise the Lord!
Henry, my sissy son (yeah I called my son a sissy, so what.) has been extremely irritable the last few days. This ear infection business is killing us both. He was up crying for over an hour last night before I finally got up and we watched tv together for over and hour before he finally fell asleep on me. The morning sun came far too early today.
Then the morning was a crazy hustle, trying to have patience with the constant whining/crying, while trying to hurry and organize myself to be on time to my photo session today.
It was a good session, a newborn! I haven't had the opportunity to shoot many of those and really enjoyed the process, the flexibility and patience of his mama. She really knew what she wanted and did what ever she could to help the process run smoothly. It was amazing. She even fixed me a pb&j....gotta love that!
10 minutes left in the session and my phone rings. It was my mom. I instantly tensed up. I knew my dad had driven my grandma down to LA to see my aunt today, and when I saw her name on my phone the hairs on my neck pricked up. In the pit of my stomach I felt that little lurch.
My aunt is not doing well.
The heart and her, well, they're not agreeing.
There are few options.
She's back on top of the donor list.
My throat closed up.
My mom was being so strong on the phone, not allowing herself to go there. yet.
Being brave. For me and for her.
I took a deep breathe, excused myself from my session for a minute to collect myself. I opened their front door and stepped out into the bright sunlight. The warmth reaching my very core.
I am here.
I couldn't really even pray. I lifted my aunt up, asking the Lord for His will to be done. For healing. For protection. For wisdom. For peace. Very short. But very freeing.
The day continued on, my kid was fussy and didn't nap well. I was exhausted and stressed.
I sat tonight, with my bible open and my bible study spread out in front of me. Distracted.
But even there, in my distraction, He was there. Isn't that just so Awesome?
That He would meet me where I'm at. Demonstrating His love and mercy, even if I don't understand it all the time.
Tonight I found comfort in my Savior. Who uses our weakness for His glory, to fully demonstrate how big His love is for us. And while many a time the path He chooses for me is not one I would have chosen on my own, He is there, guiding me all the way.
It's like that Ginny Owens song
The pathway is broken
And The signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to
Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
so if all of these trials bring me closer to you
Then I will walk through the fire
If You want me to
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So When the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear You answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through
And I go through the valley If You want me to
11 comments:
It seems to come all at once sometimes doesn't it. I'm glad that you found comfort even in this difficult time. I'm praying for your aunt and your grandpa. I hope that things improve quickly.
When it rains it pours. Keep your head up it sounds like you are moving in the right direction. Remember, God doesn't give you anything you can't handle.
What a lot for one day! I'm glad you found some direction and peace...praying for you!
Beautiful and so true to how we often feel. Love ya!
Lorie, you are so warm in your writings. I love reading them. That is a lot to cope with, but you always find peace
thanks for sharing this with us all, dear friend, so that we can pray for each of these dear ones in your life... and for YOU! May you find all the grace, comfort, and peace that you need.
Wow cuz, I am seriously going through the exact same lesson right now for the Lord. It was so good to read your heart and worship our God with you at the same time. I even sang the song outloud. :) I love you Lorie. God's plan is perfect... why is it so hard to relax and rest in that? But thank you for sharing yet again. Please keep me posted on Jenny so I know what is going on. No one ever tells me what is going on with the family! Rejoice my friend, rejoice in this day!
ah, Lor, I am so sorry to hear about your dear auntie. I will be praying for her(and you) too. i know how hard it is to hear bad news. and i certainly know how it feels when just one more thing will push you over the edge. hang in there with the fussy boy--i know how hard it is to have patience with the whining when you are already stressed out already. love you!
tears. lot of tears. this life is so so darn difficult sometimes with so much brokeness everywhere. it is so good to know God is there to meet us right where we are...our constant. thank you for sharing your day...i'll keep your aunt in my prayers.
p.s. that song is my favorite song to cry long & hard too..just feels good sometimes..so good to remember we're never alone :)
xo
praying for all your concerns, (hugs)..this month of Jan. is just very draining.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers...so sorry to hear about your aunt and your grandpa. I really hope things look up for you very soon. I do, however, admire your strength and your faith...it's times like these when we are blessed to have a Dear Savior to watch over us.
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