All our bags are packed...

but we're not quite ready to go.

Let's start at the beginning.

Last night was not a good night. I ached. I hurt. I had a head ache the size of Mount Rushmore. And my belly hurt so dang bad. Not like contractions, just achy, stretching painful belly. It was not good. But the baby was moving and so I wasn't trying to stress knowing that I was going to the doctor today and I would talk to him about it at my appointment.

Today Scott took the day off to help me out. I knew there was just no way I could handle taking Henry to his two year doctor appointment. The boy usually screams from the time they call us back to the time we leave. It's STRESSFUL. And where I'm suppose to be taking it easy and not lifting him as much, I just knew it was more than I should be doing. So Scott took him. And it was STRESSFUL. Two shots and so much screaming that he actually popped blood vessels in his cheeks. Yeah. That is some SCREAMING.

I had an appointment with the ultrasound specialist this afternoon as well a non-stress test and doctor appointment. As I got ready I just had this feeling. As I flat ironed my hair I thought, "Well if I have a baby today then at least I'll have pretty hair". I second guessed putting on a fun necklace "because if I have a baby today I really want my 'Henry' necklace on during delivery". (I know, weird, but I do.) Chalk it up to mother's intuition. But I just had a feeling things weren't right. And the fact that Wheezy was barely moving was doing nothing to aid my concern/worry.

Over an hour after my appointment time (no, not bitter AT ALL. blerg. I hate this medical group.) I finally was able to see the specialist. He's been pretty even keel. But not today. He was very quiet. Constantly stopping the ultrasound to compare measurements from two weeks ago. I kept trying to read the sizes but I couldn't remember the exact measurements from last time, only that two weeks ago Wheezy was 3.5 pounds. Finally I caught the weight. 3.9 pounds. 4 ounces. 4 ounces in two weeks. That's not good. I had hoped and prayed for at least a pound. I instantly started worrying, panicking, fighting with all my might to not start crying. He cut the ultrasound short since we couldn't get Wheezy to move. He ordered a NST (Non-stress test) immediately saying he wanted to approve it before I went to see my doctor. I already had been scheduled to have one, but the manner in which he behaved sent up all kinds of red flags. I knew this was not good. I did in fact tear up at the reception counter. The nurses were sympathetic and compassionate and understanding. While standing there waiting for the tech to come get me for the NST I called Scott to come immediately. Thankfully my sister in law was on her way home and was able to pick up Henry and Scott got to the doctor by the time I was finished with my NST. As soon as I was alone in the NST room, listening to the heart beat and praying for Wheezy to just wake up and move, I just let myself cry. Cry and pray. Pray and cry. And then, just like that Wheezy woke up. Rumbling and kicking around and even a case of the hiccups. I cried harder. Praising God for each and every movement.

Scott and I were called back to the doctor rather quickly, thankfully. And it wasn't long before we were talking to the doctor coming up with a plan of action.

Tonight I had an steroid injection to help with the development of lungs and the growth of the baby. I'll get another one tomorrow as well as another NST. On Friday I have a follow up appointment with the specialist to see if the steroids did anything to help the baby. Worst case scenario, if they have not helped and Wheezy is still not growing then we'll have a baby, most likely via C-Section, this weekend. (Because my body is not ready for delivery induction could be long and disastrous for both me and the baby and so a C-section would be the safest way to get the baby out. And yes, another C-section was not what I wanted, more than anything I want this baby to get here safely.)

We're praying that by Friday progress will have been made. That Wheezy will have put on more weight and the lungs will be further developed. If that happens then from here on out, as long as progress is being made, I will have twice weekly ultrasounds and NST's. It is possible that I will make it to full term, but only if my fluid levels remain good and the baby continues to grow.

But seeing as we were VERY close to being admitted and having a baby tonight, and the fact that we could still have a baby by the end of the week, Scott and I are sort of in that panic that everything-has-to-be-done-right-now mode. The infant car seat came out of the attic and both it and Henry's car seat liners are washed and currently drying.



holy crap I'm going to have two car seats in my car!!

I cleaned out my car and made Scott wash it tonight. Laundry is being done. Henry's Big Bro shirt I've been wanting to sew for a month will be hopefully done tonight. Picking up and cleaning and trying to organize my life in the next two days, just in case Friday ends up being the day. The box of newborn clothes and swaddling,snugly blankets and burp rags came down from the attic as well.

As scared as I am of all the possibilities and the unknown I'm excited as well. Excited to meet this little peanut babe. This little sneeze of a baby. My Wheezy. I want Wheezy to come when he/she needs/is ready to come. And I have comfort in knowing that God is already there. He already knows the day. He always has. And I will patiently wait on His perfect timing, knowing ultimately that it will be perfect. Whether the baby comes now or later. Whether I have to have a c-section or not. Whether or not the baby will have to stay in the hospital after it's born or not. It will be perfect. Perfectly part of His plan.

So please pray with us. First and foremost for Wheezy to grow and develop. But also for peace of mind. For wisdom and discernment for the doctors. For acceptance and complete submission to our Heavenly Father who does and always has had control over this situation. What an amazing thing to know He already knows Wheezy's name. Knows every hair on her/his head (and what color it will be =).

Amazing.