Benjamin: The Conclusion

No I haven't forgotten. I just have a newborn. And a two year old. And they both like to wake up at 5:30 am. I am tired.

And just like that, the worst of the surgery was over. Before they took the baby to the NICU they brought him around for me to look at him. And I just knew, in that moment, that he was Benjamin. Scott and I had gone to the hospital not agreeing a boy name. Our girl name was down to two, both of which we both loved. We knew the middle name would be King, after Scott's grandpa, but we each had a boy name that we wouldn't budge on. He wanted Miles. I wanted Simon. Benjamin was a name I have loved for a long time. I had wanted Henry to be Benjamin, but alas, he was and totally is a Henry. So even though Benjamin was still somewhat hanging around, we both were hoping we could convince the other that our name was superior.

But there he was, my little Benjamin. In the 5 seconds that I got to see him I looked at Scott and said "Honey, he's a Benjamin, he just is." Scott wasn't convinced and as he turned to follow the baby to the NICU he said "We'll talk about it later." But I knew. As I laid there listening to the doctors and nurses doing their thing on the other side of the curtain I prayed. I thanked God for my Benjamin. For my tiny, strong little Benjamin. And I smiled. I had my baby Ben.

In the NICU the nurses wanted to know if the baby had a name. Scott shrugged his shoulders, "We're not sure yet, but maybe Ben?" The nurses said they preferred for babies to have names, especially those being admitted, which we knew Ben was going to be. So for the time being he was going to be Ben.

Back in the O.R. I had been told that the doctor that was assisting my doctor was Davi's doctor. And my doctor had been the doctor that assisted Davi's doctor for both Ollie and Twain's C-sections. Davi and I like to refer to them as the dream team. And after experiencing them in the O.R. I totally understand why. They are just in sync. They're the kind of doctors that barely need to talk to each other through the surgery and post-op because they move in sync. Quite remarkable actually. I have only met Davi's doctor once before and it was when I was pregnant with Henry. But I introduced myself to her, you know, from the other side of the curtain which was odd. Hi Dr. SoandSo I'm Lorie and you did my friend Davi's 4th C-section back in April. You know, mean while I'm naked from the waist down and my guts are on display for her to see. So she would still not recognize me on the street. You know, unless I had my pants down and my stomach cut open.

And then came one of my favorite parts of the night. I was brought back into the triage room for recovery and it was only a few minutes before Scott came in. We were like two kids in a candy store. Talk about happy high. We were giddy and giggly and excited and both talking a mile a minute. Seriously. It was like Christmas morning. And I loved that. But it had only been about 5 minutes into my surgery when the itching began. (Some of you might have experienced the overall horrible itchiness that sometimes follows an epidural or spinal tap.) So as soon as I got into recovery I asked for the "anti-itch". Cause I was ready to claw my neck off. And it's hard to text your family, friends and facebook when you can't stop itching at your eyelids. So sometime in the middle of Scott's and my adrenaline rush of excitement the nurse slipped some Benadryl into my IV. And just like that the warm fuzzy time with Scott was gone. Within a minute I could no longer see straight to text so Scott had to finish it. So Scott left to go see our family and tell them the good news (which BY THE WAY. FAMILY YOU ARE ALL FIRED. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THIS IS THE 9TH CHILD TO BE BORN IN THIS FAMILY AND THAT WITH ALL 25+ OF YOU IN THE WAITING ROOM NOT ONE OF YOU MANAGED TO PICK UP A VIDEO CAMERA AND RECORD HIM ANNOUNCING THE BIRTH OF OUR SON?! SERIOUSLY. YOU'RE ALL FIRED.) I remember hearing the phone ring and my nurse recounting over the phone to my afternoon nurse all about the baby. I remember my mom kissing my forehead. But I mostly remember drifting off to sleep with a smile of my face...I had a son.

Later I would be taken to my recovery room. Scott and I still hadn't really finalized Benjamin, we hadn't really even discussed. I was afraid to bring it up. Because to me he was already Ben, but I didn't trust myself to stick to my guns in my current drugged out state. I was in no shape to go see him yet as I couldn't stand. I was way jealous that all the grandparents had been allowed into the NICU to see him. I giggled at the fit that my sister Coco threw, that she wasn't leaving the hospital until she got to see him. So they finally held him up by the window so she could see. (Only parents and grandparents are allowed in the NICU). Around midnight our room phone rang and Scott picked up. He talked with someone for a minute and then turned at me, with a smiley smirk on his face. "Ben is ready for his bath". My face erupted into smiles. Ben. He was Ben.

































The rest of our time in the hospital went by in a blur. There were visitors and nurses in and out. It was very odd to be in a hospital room with no baby. And I didn't have enough strength emotionally or physically to go to the NICU more than twice a day, the two days we were there. On Thursday we couldn't even hold him. Only touch him through the incubator. And that killed me. To see my son hooked up to machines, with all the beeps and buzzes going on around him and not being able to hold him. Friday morning though we got the good news. Not only was he moved from the critical side to the stable side of NICU, but that we could hold him as well.















Holding Ben made it all okay. Even though in the back of my mind a thousand questions were plaguing me, would he ever nurse? How long will he have to stay in the NICU? What will all the tests they ran on him say? But I took comfort in the place that I had all along. I remembered the verses you all had shared with me. I knew that God was there. Right there in that corner of the NICU. He was in control. And sure enough, the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guarded my heart and my mind. (Philippians) The tests on Ben's organs all came back great. On Sunday He not only nursed on me for the first time, but the feeding tube came out that night, and never went back in. His IV came out on Tuesday morning and never went back in. And one week from the time he was born, we were blessed to bring our then, 4 pound, 12 ounce little boy home. God is good. He is so good.

And now, pray for me. The last two weeks having Scott home has been amazing. But tomorrow is, as Summer called,
D day. It's just me and the mini men. So cross your fingers, wish me luck, and send up an extra prayer for me.


And yes, I really am that tired. But never happier.