Benjamin: part 2

We were taken into our room and I was given a gown. And I cried. It didn't help that this was the exact same room, the exact same bed, where two years earlier I had shared a room with my sister as we both nursed our less than day old babies.



But very soon my mother-in-law showed up. Followed shortly by my father-in-law. Then Davi.
And she instantly went to work. She had it in her head that because we were missing our maternity pictures with Ellie she was going to make Ellie proud and do a photo session right there in the tiny hospital room. She even convinced Scott to help her hang the extra sheet up behind the bed to cover up all the "icky hospital stuff". Scott rolled his eyes. But played along. Because he is awesome like that.


Yeah, let's bring food and eat in front of the woman who can't eat or drink for another whole day. Love you mama2.















Then my mom and dad came.
And then Davi left to go feed her boys dinner, promising to be back very shortly.
Then Sara and Ella.



my nurse was so awesome she even brought a heated blanket for my mom and Ella to share cause it was COLD in that room.


My nurse came in and out all afternoon and I adored her. I was so sad to know that her shift ended at 7 and wouldn't be there during and after my surgery. She couldn't stay later either because she was leaving for Vegas because another nurse was getting married and she was the maid of honor. But she did hand pick my nurse for the night and even called later after the c-section to find out what the baby was and how we were doing. Love that. Oh and she snuck me ice chips. LOVE her.





And surprisingly the 6 hours flew by.
More family showed up.
And then a handful of friends. Davi returned as promised, Becca showered me with ADORABLE hand made beanies. Jenn made me cry just by hugging me. I am so blessed.





I had a couple break downs.
Ella sat there most of the afternoon, taking in the whole scene. Sara had explained to her what a c-section was that afternoon and Ella had confused c-section with sea-section and accidentally called it a sail boat. SO cute.
I wanted so badly to put on a brave face for her because I know how terrifying it can be for kids when adults cry. But sure enough we were all sitting there talking and a wave of panic hit me. All of a sudden I remembered the horrible post-surgery conditions. The catheter and consequently trying to reteach yourself to pee. The gas pain. The not being able to stand upright. The incision pain. The burning, stretching pain in your abdomen for a good month or more. And I broke down and cried again. But Ella took it in stride. What an amazing 7 year old, that girl is.



Family kept pouring in, bringing Henry along. Coco had given him a bath before they came, so he showed up in a diaper. Awesome. But I very quickly dressed him in his big brother outfit. Even though he really wanted nothing to do with me.











And then all of a sudden it was time.



My nerves kicked in and I couldn't stop shaking.
My family gathered around my bed in that tiny little room and prayed over us.
Prayed for the doctors and nurses.
Prayed for me, for a calm heart.
Prayed for the baby.
I cried. A lot.

Then I got up out of the bed and hugged my parents and in-laws and friends one more time. I couldn't stop shaking. And I couldn't stop crying.
Scott got dressed in his scrubs.



And we walked down the hall to the O.R.
Barefoot.
Shaking the whole way.

There's nothing like a freezing cold and sterile O.R. room to warm up an already cold and shaky woman.



Just like last time Scott couldn't come in right away and so he had to sit in the hallway. I was proud of him, because every time the door opened he'd sneak pictures. I think I'm rubbing off on him. You know, what with the over documenting our lives. Plus, as he explained to one of the nurses later, "I'm sorry, but my wife is a photographer and if I don't take a ton of pictures she'll kill me."







my doctor scrubbing in...


I climbed on the table and waited for the anesthesiologist to do his thing.
I remember when I got my epidural with Henry the needle in my back didn't bother me so bad because I was in SO much pain and I just wanted some relief and anything was better than what I was feeling. But this time I wasn't in any pain. I was freezing. And shaking. And I was suppose to sit still as this man dug his needle into my spine. I kept wincing. The nurse walked over and put her hand on my knee. I grabbed it. And she said "it's okay sweetie, you can squeeze it all you want to."

The tears were running down my nose and falling on to my hospital gown. My doctor, who is always professional, never gets personal, keeps things very cool and collected and never lets his guard down, gently placed his hand on my other knee. "It'll be okay..."

I cried. A lot.

Then all of a sudden my toes went warm. And then my legs. Then my abdomen. Oh thank God the shaking finally stopped.
I laid back and the prep began. The curtain went up in front of my face. I could hear the nurses checking their lists of instruments and tools. They kept testing how numb I was. Finally I couldn't feel it when they pinched my belly. Then Scott came in. He tried to mouth I love you, but realized I couldn't see his mouth behind the mask. He leaned closer, "Olive Juice."

He started taking pictures. Of me. Of the O.R. Of the what was happening on the other side of the curtain.
The nurses quickly told him he couldn't.







I never felt the scalpel. In fact I was already cut open when Scott came in.

Oh but the tugging. Imagine being pummeled in the stomach and under your ribs over and over. And over again.
I winced.
And cried.
And winced.
And cried.

I kept praying for the baby. Lord, instill in this child a fighting spirit. May the baby be strong and healthy and give him a spirit of tenacity and courage.

The tugging continued. Then I heard from the other side, "the head is out".

Just like last time I looked at Scott but he was looking at the baby.
Then one final tug and I all of sudden felt light. Empty.

Instantly cries filled the room. Good, healthy crying.
The doctor said,
"Okay, daddy, do you want to do the honors?"
I looked at Scott frantic, like YOU KNOW AND YOU HAVEN'T SAID ANYTHING?!

Then his whole face erupted in smiles and he said "it's a boy!"
And then from the other side of the curtain, "Congratulations you have a boy!"
I looked at Scott,
"It's a boy!" I couldn't believe it and it felt SO right all at the same time.
The doctor quickly brought my gooey son around the curtain so I could see for myself that yes, he was in fact a BOY.
And oh he looked like Henry. And good LORD was he tiny.
Then he was whisked away to the other side of the room.

Scott leaned over to kiss my head.
"Thank you honey, thank you so much for doing this for us."

And I cried.
A lot.