I'm sitting on the couch.
Henry is playing peek-a-boo with me from behind the telephone booth.
We're in our PJ's. We have been all week.
Even though I showered yesterday this muggy weather is making me feel disgusting and clammy.
There are dishes piled high in my sink.
There's egg shells stuck to my kitchen floor from where Henry pulled a carton of eggs off the counter yesterday.
There is laundry piled high on my recliner.
I can see buttons hiding in the carpet as Henry loves to play with my bowl of buttons. But doesn't always love to pick them back up.
Roxie is trying to sit under the computer chair because Henry, irregardless to how many time-outs and punishments he gets, can't stop beating/chasing/hitting/terrorizing her. Poor Roxiegirl.
For the umpteenth night in a row Henry has been up numerous times. Refusing to stay in his bed. Refusing to go back to sleep. And no coercing. pleading, begging can get him to go back to sleep.
Because of the lack of sleep my milk is lagging.
Which makes Ben want to nurse more.
Which makes me sore.
And even more tired.
The tank top I'm wearing currently has leak marks. (Men, you're welcome.)
Have I mentioned that I feel like I stink?
Sisters keep offering to take Henry for the day, but even though I'm in desperate need of some sleep/peace, I just feel guilty. Like this is my job. Why should I get an easy out? Sure I had major surgery three weeks ago, and yes, I'm still on pain medication, but I just have a hard time taking them up on their sweet offers. One is pregnant. The other has a newborn. I know, for my sanity, that I need help. But the taking the help is harder than I thought it would be, especially from them. And all the sweet friends that offer? I feel like I would need to reciprocate in someway, and that, in itself makes me even more tired just thinking of how to repay their generosity.
So today I'm doing it. Sister number 1 is taking Henry for a couple of hours. The vast majority of me wants to go paint the town red. Shop. Get a pedicure. Go eat lunch out. Buy a starbucks (or 4). SEW uninterrupted (except for nursing) all afternoon. But let's be honest. I'll probably come home and sleep. Because at the end of the day, that will make me feel infinitely better than spending money we don't have or sewing that will only make me more tired and more sore. It's a good thing Ben is such cake and spends 90% of his day sleeping.
So how's that for a reality check?
This double kid business is HARD. I know it will get better. That this is transitional. That this to will pass. And the only reason I sat down to write this was so that I could remember this moment. For as difficult as these last few weeks have been, I want to be able to look back and remember, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Even if the reality is, that I'm all three.
13 comments:
ahh, sweet lorie. i pray you would find rest today & that God would give you the strength you need to be the best mother [that you already are] :)
if it makes you feel any better, ellie is running around naked, the dishes are piled high, audrey just dropped perfume all over my bathroom...and, i still find time to waste on the computer :) sooo, you're not alone..cut yourself some slack though woman! you just had a baby for cryin' out loud :) love you.
This is an exact page out of my life a few months ago- it almost made me crawl up in a ball to read it- but you're right it doesn't last forever. Sleep IS so important. Want some unsolisited advice? Get a child proof knob for henrys door and let him cry it out. I know it may sound harsh but this same thing happened when Asher was born and Ambrose was SO MUCH better and happier once he realized he had no choice but to sleep and I was VERY happy getting my sleep (ska-healing) too!
oh Lorie...this looks like a slew of post I did from after bean was born...transitioning to 2 is very hard stuff...
glad you are taking up your sister on the help...I know the guilt but seriously a little guilt is worth a LOT of sanity.
We tried the door knob thing with Indy and it too worked (for a few weeks until she figured out the child proof knob but by then she was peacefully back to sleeping through the night and would only open it and pitter patter in to our bedroom in the morning..much more reasonable for all parties) and she didn't even really cry...first night she stood and banged on the door for a bit, screamed a few times for good measure and then went back to her bed...next night I heard one bang on the door and nothing else...by night 3 she was back to her usual nights. Not saying it would be that easy for Henry as they are all so different but it might be worth a try!
hang in there...in a bit you'll be starting to see how 2 is actually easier than 1!...well in a year or two anyway ;) but then...I know you know that!
loves
Take the help. I would die for sisters that were near that offered to do that! I know there is always that guilty feeling but really, they wouldn't offer if they didn't want to help. I hope you get some rest today and I pray that Henry starts sleeping again! I can't even imagine how exhausted you must be.
Lorie: Martha Stewart can't even do it all (Even though she wants us to believe that she can.) She has staff. #1 priority is you taking care of yourself. So many others need you. Rest. Rest. Rest.
The laundry, dishes, and buttons will wait for you. Trust me.
Take care. Ya hear?
Sweet Girl,it does get better. I had terrible post-partum and in hind-sight should have had it treated. But it does get better. Take this chance to be loved on, there is always a time to reciprocate. It's tough to be a receiver when you are used to being a giver! Never feel guilty about sleeping or that a friend watches Henry. This is your job and you are doing marvelously, Henry is learning the valuable lesson of taking care of ones self and he knows he is so loved.
You are doing great!
So sorry Henry is not sleeping well. He must be very excited about something.
And I know how hard it is to rest instead of doing fun projects. You'd think I'd have learned by now, but I still stay up too late sewing/embroidering etc....and always regret it when I feel like crud the next morning.
Two kids is VERY hard. And I'm sure it's even harder after you've had surgery!
look at it this way: in taking help from your sweet sisters and getting that break from one child and hopefully getting some MUCH-needed rest, afterwards you will be so much more able to better serve your little family. Yes, it's your job, but you're only human, and everyone needs a little help sometimes. :) I hope yesterday was just what you needed!
also, I laughed at Molly's comment... becaue as I sit here I have a land-mass of laundry that I may never get caught up on, we are all still in our PJ's, my dishwasher needs to be unloaded, and we're running low on groceries. so, you're not alone. hehe!!
Two is definitely hard, especially in the beginning! You really should not feel guilty for accepting help. I think most people really do want to help and do not expect anything in return. I love getting to help a friend out who just had a baby because I remember those days with an infant and how hard it is. Do what you are comfortable with. But you are right, it does pass!
I don't have any kids, and I'm whining about my pile of papers to grade. My, my... you're a total champ. Chin up love!
ugh, that not staying in bed thing is soooo frustrating. we went through the exact thing with elijah recently. i may have already said this on FB but it worked really well for us to set up the pack n play in his room. we told him if he got up when it was still dark out he was going to sleep in his old bed. there were maybe 3 nights where we had to follow through and he slept in there (of course with blankets and everything). after that he was good. we left it set up for many nights after as a reminder.
you shouldnt feel guilty about it. it is your job, but as family, thats what we do. its not irresponsible to accept help, especially right now.
good luck, lorie. i wish we could take henry to play with lijah for a while.
Bless your heart. Firstly, they WANT to help you and they don't want anything in return. It was hard for me to accept help in the beginning too, but take it now while you can get it. You need the sleep and yes, it will make you feel infinitely better. :)
Henry will love the time he gets with them and they can wear him out.
I have two children of my own and they are a little less than 2 years apart so I definitely know where you are coming from! Hang in there it does get easier and you seem like a spectacular momma
Post a Comment