Right now.

Several times I've sat down to put down in words what my life looks like.
What is in my heart and in my head.
How my boys are growing and changing, how my marriage is evolving, how, try as I may to soak it all up and savor each moment, time keeps moving too fast.

I currently, as of this morning officially, have a 3 month old baby.
A thriving kindergarten.
A (in 3 days) four year old sponge.

Each one with his challenges.
Each one with his own struggles and needs.
Each one owning my heart in different ways.

Henry.
The leader. The need-er. Struggling with emotions that we both didn't see coming. Trying to find his place in this world and in our family. He desperately needs us as a family to be together. The week Wes was born something changed in Henry. He hasn't been able to spend the night away from us since. He went from begging and pleading to go and do and spend the night here and there, to calling and crying to come home. He needs us to be unified and together. It's hard for him when Mommy goes to work or leaves him places or runs errands. We're working through it. Praying through it. Talking (and talking and talking and talking) through it. He is reserved and timid one minute, brave and fearless the next. As soon as I think I have him figured out he changes and surprises me; sometimes for the better and sometimes not. He loves his mama. Adores his daddy. Puts up with Ben. Is Obsessed with Wes.

Ben.
Cool story bro, cool story. That's our theme for him as of late. He is a talker. Talk talk talk talk talk. The other day Scott came home and I said, " I need a break, I have been talked at all. day. long" It started right before Wes was born. Our boy who had lots to say but hardly said it, would all of a sudden around the dinner table, not shut up. Seriously. Story and after story after story. Of his day. Of things from days and weeks and months ago. Poured out at dinner. He had us right where he wanted us, a captive audience around the table. But now it's expanded from just the dinner table to all. day. long. Telling and retelling stories, verses, movies, shows, books, anything and everything. It cracks me up. And lets be honest, wears me out. He wants to do everything Henry does. He loves Wes and is counting the days until he's big enough to carry him around the house. He has strong opinions, throws himself on the ground when told no, eats nothing and still naps like a champ. So, you know, very Four.

Wes.
Oh my dear Wes. He is a bubbly, drooly, babbly happy mess of a baby boy. He owns me. We've had our ups and downs with nursing, but we keep plugging along. He's thriving. Adaptable, as I hear third children tend to be. He hates his car seat. Both Henry and Ben would cat nap in their seats and be somewhat content on the go in them. Not Wes. Get me OUT of this thing Mom! He will cat nap, but for like 5 minute intervals, intertwined with lots of crying and fussing. Super fun. He's sleeping through the night, though once a week or so he likes to mix it up and wake up around 4, just to keep me guessing I suppose. He is the spitting image of his daddy. It might be wishful thinking but I swear there is a slight tinge of red in his hair. He is a flirt. My favorite time with him is when we nurse. He'll finish one side and then grin up at me with this goofy happy, dimply smiles. Cooing and chatting with me as to say "Thank you mama" before finishing on the other side.  It's the best. 

The days are long, the weeks and month short. Flying by too fast. Each moment full and awesome, as well as exhausting and trying. I want to love every minute, I want to pour out to my 4 guys; serve and teach and mold and love and support while still needing time for Me. It's a balance that I know will be a life long learning and refining process.