Also, be prepared for several movie/TV references, even though you might not get them all.
I'm having a quarter-life crisis. I'm not even close to mid-life, and assuming I do in fact live to be a hundred (ick), I'm pretty close to the quarter mark. So I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
What brought this on? My mom says being pregnant. Which could be true. All I know is there I was, walking through the Garden Gallery in Morro Bay two weekends ago when it hit me. I really love that china buffet. But it doesn't go with my house. Why? Why doesn't it go with my house? This is clearly something I love, and shouldn't my house be a place full of things I love?
I walked away from the buffet.
But that started it. Later on back at the house, an epiphany, lightening had just struck my brain (that must hurt).
Am I decorating my house for me? Or for who I think I am, or who I think I want to be?
When I got home from vacation I returned a bunch of stuff for my house that I'd bought to decorate with. Why? Because I decided it wasn't me.
But then I began to panic.
Do I really LOVE the name Maggie? Or do I just love the idea of naming her after my grandmother, and what a great story that would be?
Do I really LOVE the name Rebekah, or do I just love the idea of naming her after my best friend, and what a great story that would be.
Do I really love the name Anderson, Henry, Poopface....the list became longer.
Do I really love these names, or am I someone who loves things because other people like them?
shutter.
With these thoughts came other. I became consumed.
I just downloaded a new CD on itunes. I think I like it. Don't I like it? Or do I like it because Emery likes it? (And she's awesome) But for crying out loud.
How could I have become a follower of someone who I've never met and lives in Oklahoma?
shutter again.
Okay, so I do really like the CD. I think.
For that matter, how do I like my eggs? I love egg in a basket (others might call it Toad in a Hole). I hate every other type of egg.
What is wrong with me? Who am I? Is it too late to figure it out? We live in a world of Madonna's and Cher's who constantly reinvent themselves. But me, I enjoy being predictable. I like that when Scott and I sit down at Chili's he could order for me without hesitation.
"She'll take the Cajun chicken pasta, with no tomatoes, and a mango Ice Tea. Oh and chips and salsa please"
but have I seriously turned in to someone who just likes what everyone else likes? Do I really know my own voice? Or am I just in a panicked state of impending motherhood; something that I know will drastically change all of who I am or think I am. And for that matter, if who I am might change because of this baby, does it even matter that I don't know who I am at this exact moment?
I feel like I'm drowning in my own pool of doubt. Lot's and load of questions in this head of mine.
And all along I feel the little bomp bomp bomp of my baby moving inside of me, reminding me...only 3 more months...
8 comments:
so does this mean you really don't like country music because someone made you like it in high school? because that would be awesome.
and i seriously don't think you just like things because others do. you don't like anything i like most of the time. baby names, music, tv shows, headaches. i guess you don't care enough to fake interest in my likes.
i do like the name poopface, though. i has a certain ring to it i can't quite put my brown eye on.
Ummm... are you blogging at WORK? :)
I usually like what everyone else likes just because I'm too indecisive to decide for myself. :) But sometimes I like things that no one else likes, and they try to talk me out of it, and they remind me how lame/ugly/wierd it is.... and that is when I realize, if I'm still choosing this thing, I must really really really like it....
Does that make sense?! :)
I just thought of lots of things you like and it isn't because other people like them (not that other people DON'T like them... but you liked them first... or something like that.)
* Your crib
* Your baby bedding fabric
* Your picture wall in your hall
* Your bright green bathroom
* Your coffee table that is an old amunition case
* Your bicycle painting from Ballard
See! You know what you like! :)
And you only have ONE coat of paint on YOUR living room wall. :)
You can have many different styles, but you don't have to decorate your house in each one. And of course the things you like are similar to the likes of your friends, isn't that why we're friends with people after all? We get along with the people who have similar taste. Of course you're unique, but we all have moments of self doubt. Often I'm always analyzing myself: my current and past friendships, my tastes, my teaching, my parenting, my walk with God, but eventually I feel drained and I decided that I need to stop giving myself anxiety and just work on being the best me I can be!
We love you Lorie, whoever you may be! =D
extreme LOL!! scotland...well, you made me really laugh!!
And I of course love you Lorie, I'm the grams to be...
you and scott will be great parents!! look how cute poop dog turned out to be!!!
carolgrams
First: Its NEVER too late to change your mind.
Second: Dont think of this as a crisis (it's pregnant mom emotions).
Third: We all go through our own self discovery and sometimes get a bit confused. However, it's not possessions that make us who we are. Every day we are inundated with what to buy and what others will think about what we buy or what we name our children,etc. I say forget the concerns. Live for today and cherish the experiences. I cant tell you how many times I've made a decision about something because it was my first reaction and then realized if I would've put some thought into it my decision would've been completely different. This happens with the little things all the way up to the life changing.
Lastly: Dont worry be happy! You are not alone. Just be thankful you are surrounded by people that love you NO MATTER WHAT decisions you make!! :0)
not everything about us has to be 'original' or 'different' than others... that's the beauty of community and family- we are all blended up bits of things we've learned from eachother!
Fill your house with things you love- who cares if they don't match?
Order the food you like to eat- satisfying your tastebuds doesn't make you 'boring' or 'predictable'.
Don't be afraid to make big changes! Just because you've been one way for 20 years doesn't mean you have to stay that way for another 20!
Babies bring big changes... use this time to reinvent yourself! Fun! Weee! Doesn't have to be scary or weird!
Yay!
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