a need and a want.

****photog note: why oh why are my pictures so gray?? what is photobucket doing to my lovely edited images??!!!****

It's easy to justify things by saying "it's not a want, it's a need".
We feel less guilty that way.

And I could lie and say it was a need only, because in large part, it was.
But it was also a want. I wanted to get away.

Scott was on a business trip to San Francisco the week before thanksgiving. We had originally talked about me going, but finding over night childcare in the middle of the week is never easy and we resigned ourselves to acknowledging the stage in our life when I could occasionally join him on his rare work trips was over. And I was bummed. Mostly because the last time he had this trip we took Henry and it was a blast. But I had so much work to do. Editing and shooting, shooting and editing. And now I was on my own for four days and was suppose to some how keep my head above water with editing and shooting and feeding/caring for/not ignoring two small children?

All it took was Scott texting me pictures of his hotel room, clearly showing how we could easily fit all of us comfortably and the itch became a rash. And I kept itching. We could totally go. But then we'd have two cars? Can we afford this? Two kids in the city? I can't do that by myself. Drive five hours by myself with two kids? I can't do that. I'm crazy. I can't do that. I have a session on Friday afternoon, with a bestie. I can't cancel on her. She called "I understand. You need to go". I cried. Her understanding, compassion, support broke a well in me. I had a good (ugly) cry. Packed up my car. Shot a mini session. Picked up my kids from my sitter and on the road we were. The boys slept the whole way. I sang. I drank coffee. I was exhilarated. I couldn't believe I was doing it.

I was on trip high. Our hotel was adorable. Breakfast as a family of four was so sweet (although Scott might disagree ;). The boys and I hung out at Union Square Park and watched the giant tree get put up. We went back to the hotel. Ben took a nap. I made sandwiches. We struck out to Golden Gate park. I did something I hadn't done in months. I shot for me. I shot pictures of my boys. For me. To document their stages. But I didn't let it consume me which is a balance I strive for but rarely achieve. We walked and explored. We played with sticks. We blew dandelions. We got all our shoes soaked. I found a laundry mat on my iphone. Bought wafer cookies at a german market and we munched happily in our bare feet and watched judge judy with all the cute little asian ladies while our shoes tumbled dry. We hurried back to have dinner with daddy. Perfection.

The second day was not as great. It was raining. Henry was a mess. Scott was grumpy that his kid was a mess, and that our hotel messed up on valet and we had to wait almost an hour for a car that they never actually called for. We left the city not speaking. In separate cars. In the rain. During rush hour. But God is good. Our hearts were soften. Our hurts mended. We sung jingle bells over and over and over with daddy on our blue tooth loud speaker. We stopped at Chili's for dinner. I talked to my mom for an hour to stay awake.

All in all it was a great trip. And while it was very flawed, very imperfect, it was very much exactly what I wanted. And needed.

Warning: Picture overload about to commence.



First attempt at pictures in front of cute san fran buildings: Fail.









on to the park...





































this self-timer picture is a miracle.







the second, not-so-great-but-still-well-documented day.





the following pictures of Ben make me smile. over and over again.

















pretty darn cute test shot.



family picture for the christmas card: fail.







melt down city.





bird brain.









the pointing finger...I die. I'm loving Ben's stage right now. So so so sweet.



The End.