And I was DOING soo good not cracking on this one. And I was thisclose to keeping it the entire time. But my reaction to some innocent questions by my sister gave it away. DARN YOU CHRISTIE!! And yes yes, I know, you weren't trying to find out, but DARN YOU=) You like how I'm blaming you for my own weakness??? I'm such a good sister.
Anywho. So yes yes. Another of my friends is knocked up. And I couldn't be happier. Although the itch around here is getting itchier. For those of you who don't know, I begged-scratch that-PLEADED/BRIBED/COERCED my husband to let me have a baby for FOUR years. To no avail. Then there was that one moment of weakness in New York and 9 months later we had Henry. Here's the kicker. Now he's the baby maniac. He told me about 5 months ago, you know WHEN MY CHILD WAS ONLY 9 MONTHS OLD that whenever I was ready, he was ready for another one. Ironic, no? That now he's the one ready and I'm not?
gulp.
It's not that I don't want another one. I do. And part of me would love to throw caution to the wind and "get busy". But I'm stubborn. I have it in my head that next time around I want to deliver naturally. I'm thankful that God put the right nurses and doctors around me in order to do whatever they knew they had to do for Henry's safety. I do not believe I was a victim of a doctors laziness. I do not believe I was victim of any hospital agenda. I saw the fear in my nurse's face. I witnessed first hand, a medical emergency. And praise to God that Henry was born quickly and without any further medical complications.
But I hated having a C-section.
I still feel guilty even complaining about it. And if I had to do it all over again, I would. Because regardless of how much I hated the experience, the end result-my beautiful blue-eyed boy-was completely 100%, without a doubt, worth it.
But given the choice, I would not willing chose to do another one. If I have to, I have to. But I would like to do everything in my power to not have to go that route. I envy my sisters memories of pushing and having the baby lifted up and put on their chest. I envy the struggle. I envy the work and the result. When I see the picture of Sam, naked, seconds old being held up by the doctor for the whole world to see, I get emotional.
I want that.
And maybe that is not God's desire for me. Maybe he is using this situation to teach me, mold me. He uses all things for His greater purpose, and maybe this is mine.
That being said, I would like to try. And I know the longer I give my body to heal, the better chance I have.
But this post was not really suppose to be about me. I think this has just been laying heavy in my heart the past few weeks.
There have been SO MANY babies born or on the verge of being born lately that I can't seem to escape it.
To baby? Or not to Baby? That is the question.
So congrats my dearest Davi. I'm so excited to watch you journey into the adventure of FOUR CHILDREN. I delight in knowing that whatever that little bean will become, it will have an amazing mom. I love you! Rub the belly for me, cause I haven't in like two days I already miss it.
And yes, for you super observant people, the reason there were so few pictures of Davi from our photog road trip last month was because they would have given away the secret. And by golly I tried not to!
11 comments:
well, that was a wonderful post to de-lurk on (Davi's).
good luck to you as well, waiting for the right time to add another little babe. Surely, when ever it happens, it will be the right time.
with three friends pregnant, i am beginning to get the baby itch. what a hard itch to ignore! we are really trying to AT LEAST get mike through school without more but that means 3 YEARS. yikes. we will see. i miss you!! we will be home january 5-13 so we need to plan some sort of get together. *love
Now what'd ya go and tell us you have another secret for and then not spill the beans?!?! Mean, I tell you, just mean!
HAHA!! YAY! Congrats Davi! Congrats "Auntie" Lorie! FOUR kiddos, she's a brave woman. And seriously tiny for already popping out 3 kiddos!
And I think you are an amazing woman to turn your pregnancy experience into a lesson of faith. An inspiration to us all!
Oh Lorie, you are hilarious with your secret keeping!
Everytime you write about Henry's miraculous birth, I cry.
And I hope and pray that you can deliver naturally next time. But I love your perspective, either way.
I'm with Scott--get busy:)
Just kidding...I will be patient...Henry is still very young.
Thanks for your sweet congratulations and kind words.
Coming from the same position you are of hating my c-section and really wanting another go at natural birth the second time around I totally am supportive of you waiting as long as you are comfortable to give your body time to heal. I gave it a little over two years and I'm glad I did...I found the muscles I built doing yoga in between and the breathing I learned really helped when I did get that chance. I also think the attitude you have is wonderful and amazing and a great place to be now and when you have that second baby...I was so prepared for a C that I almost didn't believe it when she came naturally. Either way I learned a ton from each birth and wouldn't change either experience for anything. You will have so much support that I know you will give it a good go!
And Davi...wow beautiful woman beautiful Mama. I love following along on her blog especially as she has three boys the same ages as my nephews who are also expecting a brother or sister soon (Feb)...that band of little brothers is just too precious.
Um...yeah...I've got the itch BAD! (Obviously, I've had it for a while) With each new announcement, I long for a positive test more and more. You should just join the crowd...why not?! ;)
Now on to my theories about who this little secret is concerning...I've got three main guesses. hmmmm...
Oh and I just wanted to add that I was pregnant the month after I did my to be or not to be post. I have a feeling you might be in the same boat...especially if Scott has anything to do with it.
why is this post making me cry?? whyyyyyyyyy?! :) congrats to davi! and another conrats to you in the near future?! teeheehaahaa! just kidding :)
Good luck keeping your secret. I will not tempt you since I think I already know what it is. ;)
contrary to what I said to you at the art show ( you know, "come on, just do it") I really do understand completely your reasons for wanting to wait just a bit more. If there is anything that was hit home to me this last time we got pregnant, it was that God's timing truly is PERFECT and that it is ALWAYS His timing, NOT ours. So I will be praying for you as you consider and wait to see what happens. Whenever it may be, you can bet I'll be pretty darn happy and excited!!!! :)
Oh Davi, you are so lovely. What a cute little pooch.
ps. I think was the fifth (sixth?) comment I just left you. Stop writing posts on which I simply have to comment. :)
I feel so weird writing a comment since every one else who did seems to actually know you. I just found your blog recently and I am loving it! "PLEADED/BRIBED/COERCED", I can relate! I've been married for a year and a half, just recently started bugging hubby about having a kid. I cannot imagine waiting 4 years! Sigh, any tips on how to make the waiting go by faster/easier?! ha ha
Hi!
I just wanted to say thanks for the comment you posted on my blog, it cheered me up!
I hope you don't mind I have your blog in my blog list. I just found tons of neat little blogs by traveling from one person's blog list to another!
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